Showing posts with label crohn's. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crohn's. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Another Day of Me and Maybe More?

Originally this blog was started to help me process every thing I was going through with my stem cell transplant. Then after it all calmed down, i stopped writing. I automatically assumed I had nothing anyone would want to hear.

Im learning now, I need to write for me and in the process, I hope someone reads and relates. My greatest wish is that someone can learn from my journey, from my pain, and it can help them. We all know Crohn's doesn't just affect the body, but it alters the mind as well. Sometimes all we need is someone else who gets it. You know, REALLY GETS IT!

I hope that as I start back writing more often, God will give me the words that you may need to hear.

As for today, remember you are special and loved. Crohnies United!

Thursday, September 13, 2018

Flare Up & 6th Stem Cell Birthday

I have been having a bad flare with diarrhea like 15 times a day. It has been going on a few months but Sunday I saw blood so I knew I needed to make an appointment.

I'm being tested for c diff. Ugh, it's been 6 years since I have had c diff and I so hope this isn't it. It isn't the type of thing you look forward to.

My blood work shows elevated inflammation markers and low hemoglobin.

On that note, today is my re-birthday! 6 years ago today was day 0 and I received my sister's stem cells and started my healing journey! I have had my ups and downs but I'm not dying anymore so yay! Lol

I'll keep you posted on my lab results!

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

May 2018

I have been having a Crohn's flare lately and am going to try some Rowasa. I'm in so much pain and bloated.

I'm anemic. I don't really know why but I am. I can't take iron supplements because I just can't digest them. I don't know what to do. I eat as much as I can. I take gummy multivitamins but it's not enough. This is probably why I'm sooo exhausted. Not to mention I'm trying to quit caffeine and smoking. Lord, help me.

My arthritis is so so but restless legs is killing me and keeping me up. I see my rheumatologist in a few weeks so i guess I'll be bringing it up to him then. The stelara injections seem to help a good bit of the pain but I still get searing pain up my back and in my hands so that's something we still need to work on.

I already take antidepressants and anxiety meds but sometimes I go through rough patches where I feel so down for no reason at all. It's really to be expected with all I've been through. I'm always terrified of going somewhere and being sick or in constant pain. It's very PTSD-like. It's a panicky dread of leaving the house. If any of you feel this related to your IBD, please know you aren't alone. And I promise, you'll get through it!

Sunday, April 8, 2018

UPDATE 2018

Here is my year so far:

I've been under stress so I've had a bit of a flare. I'm on Rowasa as needed for that.

My arthritis is bad. My rheumatologist thinks he may need to double my stelara dosage.  So we shall see.

I went to donate blood today and couldn't because my hemoglobin is 9.6. Guess i get to start some iron for that. But i have no idea why it is so low! Ugh!

About a month ago, i fell off a chair and scraped up my entire side, took a chunk out of it and hit my head pretty bad. The wound got infected because of my suppressed immune system. It's all healing now! It's going to leave a huge scar. And i had some brain trauma so I have to go back to my neurologist.

Updates to come!

Thursday, December 21, 2017

Inflammation All Over

I had bloodwork done at my rheumatologist the other day and my counts are definitely showing inflammation and I am not surprised.

My joints have been killing me. My stomach is in pain. My eyes are throbbing. I have to go to the eye doctor asap!

Will update when i get answers!

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Uneventful is What I Worked For

I haven't been posting as much because my life has become rather uneventful. As I was preparing to go to bed, it hit me. I worked hard for this lifestyle. Heck, I worked hard for life.

My life may be boring and mediocre now but I wouldn't have it any other way!

For over 13 years, my life has been Hell. I was raped twice. I withstood verbal, sexual and physical abuse from a boyfriend for 5 years. I survived his attempted murder. I was diagnosed with Crohn's and fought hard to get better, when really I was fighting a losing battle. I was dying when I went through a stem cell transplant over 600 miles from home. Almost died during that as well. I have suffered anxiety, panic disorder, PTSD,  and suicide attempts.

It's been a long, difficult journey but look at me now. I'm overall pretty healthy, I'm the happiest I have ever been, and I am stronger in my faith more than ever before.

Because of the difficulties, I can now celebrate all my wins, regardless of size. I celebrate being able to go to the beach without rushing to find a bathroom.  I celebrate walking around in the park with no pain. I celebrate not having to worry if I'm going to survive my next beating.  I even celebrate getting to eat grapes without winding up in a hospital bed.

Life may be ordinary and uneventful, but, man, it's amazing!!

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Just Another Crohnie Day

I finished the Rowasa a month ago. i don't feel any different but my inflammation (C reactive protein went from a 6.8 to a 2.9) has gone down. i still have diarrhea and it's making me really sore!

I have spinal arthritis and the pain has been unbearable for the last year. so bad i had to quit the gym, i couldnt stand to cook, i couldnt even bend over to tie my shoes. About a month ago i was referred to a pain specialist and he injected nerve blockers in to my spine. my arthritis doctor is giving me steroid shots in my hips for bursitis (might be why my crp went down).  i feel soooooo good now! i even rejoined the gym! he hasn't gotten the stelara approved (hasn't been trying either) but he gave me samples last week so i could start it. im hoping that gives him the push to work on insurance approval!

i took a Pound class...dancing with drumsticks..this week and omg...it was a WORKOUT! I made the mistake of doing the same day as my steroid shots so i was HURTING! but it was a blast and awesome cardio so im going back for sure!

I've been trying to eat healthier. It's bot easy when healthy foods make you sick...thanks a lot crohn's! but im doing my best!

thats all for now! updates coming soon!

Friday, January 13, 2017

Rowasa

I haven't started the Rowasa yet. I will today. Hoping itll help with the inflammation and ulcer! But im nervous because Rowasa is also known as Mesalmine...the active ingredient in 5-Asas...which im allergic to. The doctor said my body should react to it differently as an enema than orally.  Crossing my fingers!

Monday, September 26, 2016

Cars and Couches

I have a Saturn car and it has a couple recalls so I took it to be fixed today. They told me 2 hours. And even told me to come back 30min after that to be sure they were done. So I came back...3 hrs later. Guess what....i sat there for 2.5 more hours!!! I was soooo irritated! Especially since I was supposed to get a new tire on my car and pick up a new recliner today.

Well i made it time for the recliner but the tire will have to wait. I hate it because the tire is so bare it's showing wires. Needless to say, I wasn't a happy girl today.

However, im relaxing in my wonderful new, oversized fluffy recliner with my kitties and it's just the stress reliever I needed!

Sunday, September 18, 2016

My Back

Omg my back is killing me. I keep trying to work out but it's making my back so much worse. It's hard because I want to lose weight so badly and taking any break affects my self esteem. But i can't make my arthritis worse either. I have to call my doctor...again...about my medicine. Im going to talk to scheduling and make them leave a message because i left a voicemail on the nurse and doctor line almost 2 weeks ago and no call back yet. Like im not in excruciating pain smh.

Sunday, April 17, 2016

PCOS Meds

So as I have told you before, I was diagnosed with PCOS this past year. And since it has caused me to gain 80lbs in 4 years, I have been working super hard to lose weight. My goal is to lose 30lbs this year at least. Then another 30 next year (since i was under weight to begin with, my goal is to lose 60-70lbs total). I have been exercising and dieting for over 6 months, hardcore for over 2 months. I have lost 5lbs in 6 months and can't seem to lose any more.

So my dr prescribed me Metformin. The side effects are upset stomach so I'm praying it won't be any nausea. I can deal with diarrhea since im used to it with Crohn's but of course im hoping that won't happen either. But the metformin will help control my insulin and should help me lose some weight. Fingers crossed!

Saturday, April 9, 2016

Oral Surgery and Update

I had my top 2 wisdom teeth out Thursday morning. The bottom 2 were taken out in Chicago 2 weeks before chemotherapy. I kept getting infections in the bottom 2 so they hurried up and took them out while we were in Chicago to harvest my sister's stem cells. That way it would be covered by insurance under the transplant since, well, you can't have chemo with constant infections!

Anyway, so these 2 have been much easier. They sedated me (not like the 1st 2) and they don't hurt nearly as bad. I mean im sore of course, but in comparison I am handling these mich much much better! I'm already on almost all regular food!

I had a checkup with my GI yesterday. He said the camera endoscopy came back normal. He said since i keep having recurring problems, it's most likely a low level active crohn's. Hence it not showing on tests but still giving me problems. I took a course of cipro (antibiotics) and it has really helped so I am super excited about that! He said that may be something we revisit if and when I get sick again.

But for now, everything is going well.  I'm feeling good most of the time, im getting used to my new bifocal glasses and my gums are healing well!

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Crohn's and Depression

Battling Depression in Crohn's Disease
By Connie Brichford 
Medically reviewed by Lindsey Marcellin MD, MPH 

Crohn’s disease disease is a difficult condition to live with: Symptoms of Crohn’s include diarrhea, abdominal pain and cramping, ulcers, and reduced appetite and weight loss — all of which can sap your physical energy and make you feel down emotionally. There's no question that living with these symptoms affects your mental and emotional well-being.

In fact, many people with Crohn’s disease experience depression. “Depression and Crohn’s are very commonly seen together,” says Frank Sileo, PhD, a licensed psychologist practicing in New Jersey.

Crohn’s Disease: Why You Feel Depressed

There are a number of reasons why people with Crohn’s disease experience depression. Understanding the connection between the two conditions is the first step toward dealing effectively. Here's what people with Crohn's disease should know:

Chronic illnesses affect mental health. People suffering from both a chronic illness and depression may find that each makes the other problem worse. “Individuals with Crohn's disease are dealing with a chronic illness that is out of their control," says Dr. Sileo. "There is no cure, and it impacts work, social, academic, family, and other areas of one’s life.” The words “no cure” carry a heavy weight. And not too surprisingly, facing a situation of that magnitude can lead to a more pessimistic view on life. Prolonged periods of feeling hopeless, helpless, and pessimistic are all symptoms of depression.
The physical challenges of Crohn’s disease are hard to cope with. Sileo says that Crohn’s disease “breeds a sense of helplessness and confusion.” Crohn’s disease is particularly challenging because it is so unpredictable. “There is always the threat of symptoms flaring up,” he says. It can be extremely stressful to live a normal life with this kind of uncertainty always hanging over you.Crohn’s disease can affect your personal life. 
In addition to physical problems, you might find yourself making lifestyle changes — not because you want to, but because you feel you have no choice. People living with Crohn’s disease might find themselves canceling plans with friends when symptoms flare up, and end up spending more time alone. Or they might notice that their Crohn’s disease symptoms are preventing them from working as quickly as they once did, causing their job performance to suffer, which can lead to a loss of self-worth.
Some people with Crohn's disease also feel guilty about burdening family and loved ones with their problems and withdraw from them, leading to even more isolation.

Treating Depression Along With Crohn's Disease

The encouraging news is that depression is a treatable condition, but it is one that requires professional help, Sileo says. If you have Crohn's disease and think you might be exhibiting signs of depression, the following steps can help you to get back on the right path:

Talk to a professional. Your family physician can help you find a mental health counselor or a psychologist who can help you. The mental health professional will work with you to develop strategies to combat your symptoms of depression, such as setting realistic goals and identifying negative patterns of thinking.
Do something positive for YOU.
Many people find that starting a moderate exercise plan or learning meditation techniques can have positive results. You might also want to start a new hobby or visit a place you've always wanted to go to. Setting aside time to do the things that are pleasurable to you will remind you of the many positives in life.
For some people, taking antidepressants may be the solution. If your depression is not relieved by therapy and other lifestyle changes, your doctor may prescribe an antidepressant likesertraline (Zoloft) or fluoxetine(Prozac). Since medications are usually an important part of managing Crohn’s disease, make sure you discuss any antidepressants you're prescribed with your gastroenterologist as well. This will prevent negative interactions with your Crohn’s medications. A mental health practitioner who is not an MD may not know how a new drug will affect your Crohn’s medications, but your gastroenterologist will.

Treating depression in people with Crohn’s disease is especially important. “Depression wreaks havoc on our immune system," says Sileo. "Because Crohn’s is an immune-system disease, treatment of depression is very important to avoid overtaxing an already compromised immune system.”

SOURCE: Everydayhealth.com

Mood Disorders and Inflammation

Mood Disorders Linked to Inflammation

Written by Brian Krans
Published on June 12, 2013

A large-scale Danish study strengthens the hypothesis that mood disorders like depression are directly tied to inflammation.

Depression and other mood disorders could be the brain’s response to inflammation, according to a new nationwide study from Denmark released Wednesday. 

The study, published in the journal JAMA Psychiatry, is the largest of its kind and adds further evidence to the emerging theory that certain mental health conditions could be caused by inflammation.

Researchers found that patients with an autoimmune disease were 45 percent more likely to have a mood disorder, while any history of infection increased the risk of a mood disorder by 62 percent. About one-third of people diagnosed with a mood disorder had been hospitalized in the past for a serious infection. 

Inflammation is the body's protective response to an infection, while autoimmune disorders are inflammatory conditions caused by the body's overreaction to naturally occurring substances and tissues.

“The associations found in this study suggest that autoimmune diseases and infections are important...factors in the development of mood disorders in subgroups of the patients possibly because of the effects of inflammatory activity,” the researchers wrote.

The new study offers insight into the mechanism of common mood disorders, including depression and bipolar disorder, and may help guide treatment and prevention efforts.

Inflammation as a Potential Cause of Mood Disorders

The Danish researchers drew on a nationwide database of more than 3.56 million people born between 1945 and 1996. Of those people, about three percent—91,637 people—were admitted to a free state hospital for mood disorder treatment.

Researchers compared the incidence of infections like sepsis, hepatitis, and urinary tract infections, as well as autoimmune disorders like lupus, anemia, Celiac disease, and Crohn’s disease, with the incidence of bipolar disorder, depression, psychotic depression, and other mood disorders.

They found a strong correlation between infection, autoimmune disorders, and mood disorders, strengthening the hypothesis that depression is directly linked to inflammation.

Earlier this year, another team of Danish researchers published a study in JAMA Psychiatry showing that elevated levels of a C-reactive protein—which the body produces in response to inflammation—in the blood are associated with an “increased risk for psychological distress and depression in the general population.” 

In 2011, a study in the Journal of Neuroinflammation found that high levels of another byproduct of inflammation, quinolinic acid, are associated with chronic depression and suicidal tendencies. 

These discoveries may point us toward better treatments for chronic mental health conditions. 

“Anti-inflammatory agents have actually been suggested to improve mood symptoms in patients with inflammatory disorders and enhance responsiveness to antidepressants,” the latest study reported.

Treating Inflammation Naturally

Getting regular cardiovascular exercise, drinking plenty of water, and relieving stress are all proven ways to help reduce inflammation.

A diet rich in omega-3 fatty acids like olive oil and salmon, dark leafy greens, ginger, garlic, and green tea has also been shown to reduce inflammation and improve overall health.

Source: Healthline.com

Monday, March 21, 2016

My Eye Exam

I went for my eye exam today. Basically because of my immune disorder, i have dry eyes and inflammation, recurrent sinus infections, and blurry vision with near sighted, far sighted and an astigmatism.

She said my 29 year old vision is acting closer to 40. I needed bifocals and need to start wearing them 24/7 mostly. She said it will continue to get worse, especially the less i wear the glasses and the more strain i put on my eyes.

So yay ... thanks Crohn's, you've taken over another part of my body and health! Such a selfish disease! But i will fight you back even harder! #hopeforacure

Crohn's and Your Eyes

Ccfa.org Article

Eye Complications in IBD

Approximately 10% of people with inflammatory bowel disease experience eye problems. Most of these are treatable and do not pose any significant threat as far as loss of vision is concerned. Still, if you notice any type of eye irritation or inflammation, bring it to your doctor’s attention sooner rather than later.

TYPES OF EYE DISORDERS

UVEITIS

One of the most common eye complications in IBD is uveitis, defined as painful inflammation of the uvea—the middle layer of the eye wall. Individuals with uveitis may notice pain, blurred vision, sensitivity to light, and redness of the eye.

These symptoms may come on gradually or quite suddenly. To make a diagnosis of uveitis, an ophthalmologist (a doctor who specializes in diseases of the eye) uses a “slit lamp.” This is a special microscope that allows the doctor to look at the inside of the eye. Uveitis generally improves when the IBD is brought under control, but the ophthalmologist may prescribe special eye drops containing steroids to help reduce inflammation. If left untreated, uveitis may progress to glaucoma—a disease of the eye marked by increased pressure within the eyeball—and possible vision loss.

KERATOPATHY

This eye disorder is an abnormality of the cornea that develops in some people with Crohn’s disease. Again, an ophthalmologist uses a slit lamp to make the diagnosis by spotting white deposits at the edge of the cornea. Keratopathy does not cause any pain or lead to loss of vision, so usually it does not require treatment.

EPISCLERITIS

This condition is an inflammation of the outer coating of the white of the eye, called the episclera. When the tiny blood vessels of the episclera become inflamed, they dilate and the area becomes red. In addition, episcleritis also may produce pain and tenderness. Steroid eye drops and topical vasoconstrictors are commonly used to treat episcleritis, but the condition may resolve on its own as the patient’s inflammatory bowel disease starts to improve.

DRY EYES

A deficiency in vitamin A may result in dry eyes (also known as keratoconjunctivitis sicca or KCS). This condition, which is caused by decreased tear production or increased tear film evaporation, may then lead to eye infection and irritation such as itching and burning. If the infection becomes severe, antibiotics may be necessary. Another possible consequence may be night blindness. Artificial tears provide relief of symptoms. Vitamin A supplements, taken either orally or given as intramuscular injection, can correct the deficiency.

OTHER PROBLEMS

Inflammation may develop in other areas of the eye such as the retina and the optic nerve, although this occurs infrequently. Also, it is not only the IBD itself that may cause eye disorders; sometimes the medications used to treat the disease create their own set of problems. For example, long-term use of corticosteroids may lead to glaucoma and cataracts (clouding of the lens of the eye that impairs vision).

SUMMARY

Although not everyone with Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis will experience IBD-related eye conditions, a regular examination by an ophthalmologist is very important. Early detection of eye problems generally results in successful treatment and preservation of healthy vision. The Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation of America provides information for educational purposes only. We encourage you to review this educational material with your health care professional. The Foundation does not provide medical or other health care opinions or services. The inclusion of another organization’s resources or referral to another organization does not represent an endorsement of a particular individual, group, company or product.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Update on My Health

Lately I have been so so. The antibiotics seem to help. But I am cramping so bad. I barely can move but its life and I have to. I have been pushing through, getting to my appointments anyway! :)

I posted some pics of me lately. I did my hair and have been trying to get dressed more often. Getting out of your pjs helps your anxiety so much!! Same with going to the gym!  My body may be hurting or i may be throwing up after 20 minutes or I may do ok but I still go regardless because it helps me feel more confident and I need that!

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Camera Endoscopy Finally

I finally went in to swallow the Pillcam. I got there at 7:15am and go back to turn in the device at 3:45pm.

I couldn't drink until 9:45am and then only clear COLORLESS liquid,  which all i had was water. I'm allowed a light snack now and then no food or water until after i turn it back on :/ ugh

Also I can't exercise but I have to stay moving, no sitting or laying around. I was definitely hoping for a nap but nope lol I have to stay moving to keep the pill going through me.

Just a few more hours!!

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Vaccine: Possible Cure for Crohn's Disease

Hope has come for sufferers of a crippling bowel disease in the form of a new vaccine.

The news comes as fears are rising that Crohn’s disease is caused by a bug found in milk.

Human trials begin this summer on the innovative vaccine which researchers believe is a breakthrough in the battle to find a cure for the disease.

Scotland has one of the highest incidences of Crohn’s disease in the world with one in 200 people affected. The majority of these are young people and children.

Professor John Hermon-Taylor of King’s College, London is convinced a TB-like bacterium called MAP ((mycobacterium avian subspecies paratuberculosus) is the cause of the disease.

The bug causes a similar illness in cattle, sheep, pigs and primates, and he believes, once passed into the food chain, through milk or meat, causes most human cases of Crohn’s disease. The bacterium is now also being implicated in a similar inflammatory bowel disease, ulcerative colitis.

New research commissioned by the UK government has also revealed evidence that MAP may be the cause of Crohn’s.

In the report issued a few months ago by the Government’s Advisory Committee on Dangerous Pathogens, Dr Ingrid Olsen said: “Together with all the genetic susceptibility emerging over the last decade, it is very hard to reject the hypothesis of mycobacteria being involved in the development of CD.”

The report also reveals live MAP is much more prevalent in pasteurised milk supplies than previously thought.

According to Dr Irene Grant of the Institute for Global Food Security at Queen’s University in Belfast, 50 per cent of dairy herds in the UK are affected.

In the government report, she added: “Without effective control programmes, MAP infection has spread widely and unquestionably the potential for human exposure to MAP via milk, dairy products and potentially beef has risen too.

“There is evidence that the incidence of Crohn’s disease in various countries has been rising over recent years.”

The bug has also been found in high quantities in infant milk formula which the report says is of particular concern.

The latest evidence reveals the bacterium can survive pasteurisation at higher temperatures than previously thought.

Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis have rocketed in babies and children over the past few decades – rising by more than 80 per cent.

Gastroenterologists have described it as an “epidemic.”

The vaccine has already been successfully tested on animals and now human trials are due to take place in London in July.

A substantial number of cattle go on to develop an illness called Johne’s diseases, which, under a microscope, is almost identical to Crohn’s disease in humans.

Professor Taylor was the first doctor to make the link between Crohn’s and MAP.

Previously, the UK Government has said that transmission to humans of MAP from animals was not proven, despite evidence of it getting into the milk supply.

But a report in the World Journal of Gastroenterology in December 2015 disputes this after a study in India where MAP is endemic in livestock and the general environment.

More than 42,000 people were tested over a two-year period, including healthy individuals and MAP was detected in all categories of patients at different frequencies.

The report, “On deaf ears, Mycobacterium avium paratuberculosis in pathogenesis Crohn’s and other diseases” states: “The results clearly show, humans like other species, are equally susceptible to infection with MAP regardless of health status.

“This places whole populations at risk of infection, depending on the prevalence of MAP in the environment and food supply.”

The report indicates that MAP in humans works in a similar way as TB, where not all people who have the bug become ill. Those with MAP who do become ill, develop Crohn’s disease.

More info on the MAP vaccine which has been developed at the prestigious Jenner’s Institute at King’s College, London, can be found at crohnsmapvaccine.com

Professor Taylor said: “We believe there is compelling evidence pointing to MAP as the cause of Crohn’s disease. We are extremely confident that the vaccine will work.”

The professor says that MAP is highly resilient, and, milk apart, has also got into the water supply by being washed off fields where cattle graze.

Crohn’s disease leads to a chronic inflammation of the intestine, wrecking patients’ lives and sufferers are at high risk of bowel cancer.

At the moment, mainstream medication concentrates on treating the symptoms only and very often does not work. Three quarters of Crohn’s disease sufferers need major surgery.

The first phase of trials on healthy humans, costing £1.4million is being funded by HAV Vaccines Ltd. Funding is needed for the second phase.

Volunteers, mainly made up of Crohn’s patients and their families are also raising the £470,000 for a diagnostic blood test to run in conjunction with the vaccine trials. They have set up a fundraising Facebook page at www.justgiving.com/teams/crohnsmapvaccineheroes

Professor Hermon-Taylor says that the bacterium is resistant to standard anti-TB drugs and has learned to “hide” from the body’s immune defences by invading white blood cells. Its hidden presence unbalances the delicate physiology of the gut, making it leaky to other bacteria and food molecules, triggering inflammation.

In studies a majority of people with Crohn’s disease have tested positive for MAP and it has now also been isolated in some people with ulcerative colitis.

Source: .edinburghnews.scotsman

Sooo Sick and Miserable

I still haven't gotten better in weeks. I've been super nauseous, throwing up bad and switching between constipation and watery diarrhea. I have had a couple "ok" days in between but not much.

I went to see my doctor  (my actual dr and not a work in) yesterday. He put me on antibiotics even though my labs came back fine (always baffles me how they can when i feel like THIS). Hopefully it'll rid my body of some of the bacteria and I'll start feeling better.

He also finally got me scheduled for the camera endoscopy. So today is prep (yay....) and tomorrow at 7:15am I am going in to swallow the camera. I will wear a device for 8 hours and then return it. It will take a couple weeks for them to read the images but hopefully they'll be able to find out what is going on!

I think it's funny because people keep saying things about feeling bad because I am so sick. I just keep telling them, it's life for me! I can't let it get me down or I would always be down! I have learned to get used to it and I am just thankful that i don't have to worry about losing my job or trting to make it through this. It also makes me a lot more thankful for the good days or even the ok days! I feel like i have a lot more appreciation for life than most and I'm good with that. Of course, i get frustrated with all the tests and when I'm laying in bed in agony, i cry and want it to end, but at the end of the day i know I'll be ok! :)