Thursday, October 13, 2016

When You Live With Pain

I have been diagnosed with spondyloarthritis. And i cannot sleep! Even though im on ambien for my insomnia, the pain is relentless and i get no more than a few hours of broken sleep a night. I'm starting to get beyond frustrated with the fact my meds havent been preauthorized yet and my dr won't call me back.

When i saw him the 1st time, he asked my pain level. I told him a 10 because it was. I could barely move, walk, sit. I cant even bend over. He said no a 10 means you wouldnt be sitting here talking to me right now.

Hold on. Let me tell you something! For over a decade, i have been poked and prodded, been through chemo, a stem cell transplant, every test imaginable, felt like i was giving birth to my intestines 15-25 times a day, was malnourished, had multiple picc lines, almost died twice, had surgery, have given my self injections for years, broken multiple bones, had my bones drilled in to 3 times and God knows what else. I am not a stranger to pain. Just because you can't read it on my face, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It just means I've been through Hell already so I know how to walk through fire.

Please don't underestimate my pain, based on my facial expressions.  You haven't live through what I have.