Uneventful is What I Worked For

I haven't been posting as much because my life has become rather uneventful. As I was preparing to go to bed, it hit me. I worked hard for this lifestyle. Heck, I worked hard for life.

My life may be boring and mediocre now but I wouldn't have it any other way!

For over 13 years, my life has been Hell. I was raped twice. I withstood verbal, sexual and physical abuse from a boyfriend for 5 years. I survived his attempted murder. I was diagnosed with Crohn's and fought hard to get better, when really I was fighting a losing battle. I was dying when I went through a stem cell transplant over 600 miles from home. Almost died during that as well. I have suffered anxiety, panic disorder, PTSD,  and suicide attempts.

It's been a long, difficult journey but look at me now. I'm overall pretty healthy, I'm the happiest I have ever been, and I am stronger in my faith more than ever before.

Because of the difficulties, I can now celebrate all my wins, regardless of size. I celebrate being able to go to the beach without rushing to find a bathroom.  I celebrate walking around in the park with no pain. I celebrate not having to worry if I'm going to survive my next beating.  I even celebrate getting to eat grapes without winding up in a hospital bed.

Life may be ordinary and uneventful, but, man, it's amazing!!

Sleeping Beauty

Omg im so exhausted.  I know I've already posted about this a million times but im so sick of sleeping my days away. I wamt to experience life again. It feels like this will never happen

But I gotta keep my head up because God has it all in control!

Baptism

I was baptized when I was a child by my parents, but aa an adult I made the decision today to renew my faith amd life in the Lord and get baptized again! I was already planning it at my home church,  but they were doing baptisms at my moms church,  where I was visiting, and God called me and told me to do it now. So I said yes! When God tells you to do something,  you don't say ok, when I can or ok on this day...no, you just do it! :)

Simple things

When you're sick, you gain a new perspective.  And I love it. the simple things become the greatest blessings!

Another day, another hospital

I went in for my iron iv infusion and ended up in the er. They wouldnt give me my infusion because of my abdominal pain and bronchitis.  Like all of us with crohn's, we know it acts up when we get sick on any way. Little did I know, my lungs are in good shape. My small intestine is not.

My Crohn's has always been in my large intestine,  never entering my small intestine whatsoever.  A CT scan a few months ago indicated some inflammation in my ileum.  However, it was not mentioned in the endoscopy and colonoscopy I had immediately following so I thought no more of it. After my ct scan tonight,  it showed it has worsened.  In other words, theyre suspecting my Crohn's has spread. Fortunately,  we are catching it in time I think. The doctor looked worried, but he's just the ER doctor, not my GI.  But I do have to immediately see my GI for a course of treatment.  I dont know what it will be yet.

I went in for iron, I get more inflammation lol such is my life! 

Im honestly not worried it's anything bad, and my Crohn's is actually still in remission but with my past, there's a bit of anxiety that it's more or going to be more. But it's in God's hands now and all i can do is get my game plan and go!

Say a prayer and if each of you do, I know its going to be A okay! :)

Have a wonderful day world!

Keeping you posted!

Jenn

Only a week a way from my 2nd...second birthday

Im almost at my 2 year anniversary of my stem cell transplant aka my 2nd second birthday! :)

And....drums roll.....still in remission!! No active Crohns!!! It feels as if I have never had it and while a part of me fears ever being so close to that emotion,  another part of me knows I never will be that close to it...with all the other million problems I get to have...being sick is a way of life lol

They're narrowing it down to a post transplant related lymphocytocis. And basically as long as my symptoms are being controlled,  they won't do anything else. Of course, being controlled and being gone are two different things.  Living with nonstop night sweats gets to be my life. Vomiting up everything I eat that is controlled with really strong meds that make me unable to drive, walk, talk or pay attention...that gets to be my life. Sounds glamorous.

But im engaged now to the same man who spent every day by my side during chemo and has never stopped loving me despite my lovely health problems and all the pills,  and side effects and hospital visits and doctors appointments and random plan cancellations from being sick. He loves me through it and for that I am forever grateful. I pray every day he will be able to continue to understand and deal well with the adjustments made to our lives and our relationship that others might not have to make. And I thank God for placing such a selfless heart in my life to love me. <3

I go to the hospital tomorrow for iron infusions,  while I still have bronchitis that im suspecting as followed its usual course straight on in to pneumonia.  So maybe seeing a doctor about that too. I will keep you posted!! Seriously going to start writing more! It's a lot like therapy...very free therapy ;)