Crohn's VS Me

I feel like this flare up is beating me and I refuse to let it win. I'm in a difficult position.  My fiance has court in the morning,  2 hrs away. Crohnies know how bad that is. For those of you who don't,  long drives with long distances between bathrooms are the most dreaded tasks. He supports me and my illness so much, even when it inconveniences him and I am always there for him. He wants me there so bad for support and I want to be there. But my Crohn's wants something else. I don't know what to do. I dont want the crohns to win. Its not fair. Im going to do my best to go with him. I cant let gim down, hes not sick, why should he have to suffer the consequences of MY disease??? I dont even care about myself and how im feeling. I only care about being there for him. So im sending a message to my crohns. ...BEHAVE! YOU WON'T WIN THIS ONE!!!

Please say a prayer tonight that it calms down enough for one day, just one day!!

Ughhhhh

I'm back at the hospital.  A possible TIA. My left side went numb and tingly and my head is throbbing. Since I have a PFO and brain damage,  I'm high risk for stroke so I wanted to rlbe cautious.

But I really wish I just came and didn't tell anyone. Now im basically just a burden and inconvenience to everyone I get close to. I used to do all of this alone. And now I wish I still did. My entire life is an inconvenience. 

Friends, family, they're all bothered because I have to leave things early or go to the hospital way more than a normal 27 year old. Nurses and doctors are annoyed because they are oh so busy.

I've been dealt a life of pain and illness and this is it. This is me. My entire life is an inconvenience. I've actually not sought out medical attention because I didn't want to mess up someone else's day. It seems selfish for me to ruin someone else's plans to deal with my neverending health problems.  It's my problem. No one else's. And I'm honestly sick of the sighs of frustration I get when I say I need to go to the er...like I WANT to be there. I dont want to spend anymore of my time in these places than you do. Trust me.

I've made the decision to go back to how I used to handle my health, alone (with the exception of God). Because let's be real, you only are here because you think you have to, not for me. And you aren't tired because you feel my pain and it hurts you, you're just tired of coming because it interrupts your day..well im sorry and trust me, im doing this alone from here on out. It's easier that way. Remember,  my life is an inconvenience.