We all need a way to cope with this disease. A lot of people don't understand what we go through and I encourage everyone to find their outlet. Mine is poetry and drawing. Now im going to show you a few of my sketches. But I want your feedback. .should I post them on this blog or start a different one for them? I want to know if it's more beneficial for you to keep this blog totally crohn's related. Thanks guys!
I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday. I decided to do something for myself after Dr. Burt kind of upset me in my appointment. He basically said since my Crohn's is in remission then the pain is in my head and im hoping to be sick. He said I tried to say I have lymphoma and reoccurring crohns. ..let me get this straight as I did with him...I have lymphocytocis, elevated lymphocytes. I went through 3..I repeat THREE bone marrow biopsies. Who would WANT that???? Who would want to be tested for cancer??? I know I didn't! And I know I was glad as hell when it came back negative! And im glad as hell their ct scan showed no crohn's! ! I mean really! ! I have pain. I get sick. I have fybromyalgia and other health issues, he didn't treat those. He needs to remember that. It's a crappy, and invisible disease. And my Crohn's is NOT cured. Im in remission but I do still have symptoms. Not bad and not often and I thank God for that healing!!
Ok! Well I saw the psychologist he sent me to and she was incredible! She didnt make me feel stupid or ignored! She really inspired me! :)
Im boarding the plane home so I have to go but I will post later! You MUST see pics from the art institute!
I'm back at the hospital. A possible TIA. My left side went numb and tingly and my head is throbbing. Since I have a PFO and brain damage, I'm high risk for stroke so I wanted to rlbe cautious.
But I really wish I just came and didn't tell anyone. Now im basically just a burden and inconvenience to everyone I get close to. I used to do all of this alone. And now I wish I still did. My entire life is an inconvenience.
Friends, family, they're all bothered because I have to leave things early or go to the hospital way more than a normal 27 year old. Nurses and doctors are annoyed because they are oh so busy.
I've been dealt a life of pain and illness and this is it. This is me. My entire life is an inconvenience. I've actually not sought out medical attention because I didn't want to mess up someone else's day. It seems selfish for me to ruin someone else's plans to deal with my neverending health problems. It's my problem. No one else's. And I'm honestly sick of the sighs of frustration I get when I say I need to go to the er...like I WANT to be there. I dont want to spend anymore of my time in these places than you do. Trust me.
I've made the decision to go back to how I used to handle my health, alone (with the exception of God). Because let's be real, you only are here because you think you have to, not for me. And you aren't tired because you feel my pain and it hurts you, you're just tired of coming because it interrupts your day..well im sorry and trust me, im doing this alone from here on out. It's easier that way. Remember, my life is an inconvenience.
