I really miss my family and my friends. I like it out here...like the scenery, but without a companion, it's really hard to stay upbeat. I'm gettig really depressed. I mean, I already was before I came out here, but it was largely linked to the trip to get here, I dont know. Maybe change scares me now more than it used to. I have no clue. All I know is that since about January, I've stated entering a dark place in my mind that scares the hell out of me.And this place is definitely known as depression. It has really taken alot out of me to admit that to well, everyone. But I think it's a healthy first step to recovery. Even though it's taking everything in me not to delete this entire post and start over, omitting this last paragraph and including something more upbeat like California is awesome and I love being married to a man who barely looks at me...sorry there i go again. maybe it's just best I go for now, rather than keep saying whats on my mind. would hate to offend someone who is in bigger than denial than me...man, they just keep coming, chaoi for now!
Is Anyone Out There?
It's crushing me
It's taking over my body, my mind, my soul
I look up from where I'm laying
But see no where left to go
There used to be this tiny light
Over there in the corner
I used it to guide me through the room
It's only a room now, bigger things have become the former
Through that light, is another world it seems
On the other side of that door
were ones who used to see me
We had such good times
But all good things must end I suppose
I miss them though, such beautiful names
Like grace, mercy and faith, and love
They don't visit as often now
But it's not them you can really blame
Everytime they came by
The darkness would take the fame
Eventually it became just me and him
Alone in this room
The glympse of light too far from me
So I sit and look upon it
From quite a distance
I can't reach it even when I want to
Darkness only takes over it with my resistance
So we socialize alone in this room
I stare at it, it stares back unconsumed
And this continues every day
As darkness makes me its muse
