Uneventful is What I Worked For

I haven't been posting as much because my life has become rather uneventful. As I was preparing to go to bed, it hit me. I worked hard for this lifestyle. Heck, I worked hard for life.

My life may be boring and mediocre now but I wouldn't have it any other way!

For over 13 years, my life has been Hell. I was raped twice. I withstood verbal, sexual and physical abuse from a boyfriend for 5 years. I survived his attempted murder. I was diagnosed with Crohn's and fought hard to get better, when really I was fighting a losing battle. I was dying when I went through a stem cell transplant over 600 miles from home. Almost died during that as well. I have suffered anxiety, panic disorder, PTSD,  and suicide attempts.

It's been a long, difficult journey but look at me now. I'm overall pretty healthy, I'm the happiest I have ever been, and I am stronger in my faith more than ever before.

Because of the difficulties, I can now celebrate all my wins, regardless of size. I celebrate being able to go to the beach without rushing to find a bathroom.  I celebrate walking around in the park with no pain. I celebrate not having to worry if I'm going to survive my next beating.  I even celebrate getting to eat grapes without winding up in a hospital bed.

Life may be ordinary and uneventful, but, man, it's amazing!!

Day 153: Late Night Poetry

Poetry is good for the soul. Writing in general is. I would like to include poems written by others on this blog and on my prayer blog (www.prayallday.blogspot.com) Please email me your submissions: shortjen04@yahoo.com

Don't Say I Didn't Tell You

Why aren't you listening?

I keep telling you but why aren't you listening?

I can't do this anymore, do you even hear me?

It's too much weight to bear

Too heavy, too many tears, too much

But are you listening?

What do I have to do to make you hear me?

When will you know I'm for real?

I know it might take a lot

For you to help me, to really help me

I won't put that burden on you

I'll try to help myself

But if it doesn't work, please remember I told you

And you weren't listening

**This one was posted previously, but it's weighing on my mind so i reposted**

Touch Me, Kiss Me

Touch me, Kiss me

Do you even know I'm here?

You act like this is normal

Is there something that you fear?

I feel like you can't see me

Or maybe that's what you choose

Something has to change quick

Or you'll stand something to lose

I've asked you. No, I've begged

And yet you act like it's ok

To not touch me, to not kiss me

Is there nothing that you crave?

I'm lonely and I'm sad

But you've heard it all before

You slide by with bare minimums

And never attempt more

I don't want anyone else

I don't want to stray

But if you don't touch me, don't kiss me

You're going to lose me someday

I'm truly at wits end

Yet I'm chained, not quite free

Please, you must do something quickly

Touch me

 Kiss me

Strong

I'm strong

You may not know it

But I'm strong

I cry, I break down

And I'm strong

You've seen me shake, you've seen me tremble

You've seen me strong

I get confused and I get lost

Broken and exhausted

On my knees and at wits end

And I'm strong

I get defeated

I forgive

I suck it up

And I live

I scream, I argue

I shake my fists and I throw fits

Tears flow from me like raindrops

And I make mistakes and I forget

I hurt myself and I hurt others

And I let others hurt me too

And I'm strong

I get embarrassed, I get tongue tied

I get lonely and depressed

I sing in the shower and in the car alone

And I burn dinner to a crisp

I pray hard and I beg

And I get sad and fall apart

I never know what I'm doing next

I never knew from the start

But I'm strong

My life may be in ruins

And I cry myself to sleep

But I make it through each day

You know why?

Because I'm strong