Ugh I could seriously use some relief. no matter what i take, the pain is relentless, so is the diarrhea and nausea. and even watching tv or looking at the computer screen is makeing me nauseous! i'm so sick of this (no pun intended lol)
And I can't remember what it's like to be normal. that scares me. i just want to be a normal person again. and when i try to do normal things, they get ruined. when we try to do things together he never wants to. Im not sure he even likes me in a romantic way honestly. Its basically he works, comes home, i cook, he eats, he sleeps. Weekends: he sleeps, plays the game, plays on his laptop and we may or may not go out to eat..i just think that two 25 year old newlyweds should have a little more passion...i think it would make me feel a little more normal. We went to palm springs today...i made reservations at an adorable bistro that plays jazz music for lunch and then i wanted to go to the art museum. he was in such a bad mood, he made me feel stupid for planning the day, it was obvious he just wanted to sit at home again. then he started a fight because i asked him if he was ok because he seemed like he was in a bad mood...he started yelling saying it pisses him off when people think he's in a bad mood when he's not...i really dont think it warranted me being yelled at, but ok. then he was speed walking through the museum. finally i got him interested and he slowed down so we ended up enjoying it. but then he rented two movies and did the same thing he did last weekend (and every night for that matter), said he wanted to spend the evening with me, but then we never watched the movies, atleast this time he just stayed on his laptop all night in the recliner instead of on the sofa w/me..normally he falls asleep by 9pm..
sorry, i just had to vent. I just wish there was more there sometimes. not that i want a clingy man by any means, i've gotten used to my "me" time and i love it, but some occasional passion..that would definitely help... maybe that's too personal, but it's my blog and i'll write what i want! lol the way i see it, every aspect of my life affects my disease, so why censor it!
